The True Journey to Baby B...Part 2

Ok, if you missed the first part of our journey click here as this part will probably make more sense if you read part 1. The first part was hard for me to write and I am not even sure if my true feelings were fully depicted but I think for the most part my point was made..this baby was a tough journey to achieve! But as I read and reread that post, I became happier and happier I did it. I also recently talked to a few friends who revealed their difficult journey. One friend I have not talked to since high school and she just had her first baby girl. After reading her blog and discovering our similar stories, we now have been in touch a few times sharing our bond through "fertility" stories. My other friend was one of my best friends and neighbors growing up. She is a few years older and has 2 beautiful boys. She too had a tough journey and we recently reconnected and we could not help but to share our stories. This sensitive subject instantly reconnected us on such a deep level because my heart too breaks for them and I also feel so blessed for them and their beautiful families! I feel that an automatic bond is formed between women who fall into this category and it is a deep understanding that can instantly connect two strangers. As those strangers will be the ones who can only understand what it is physically and emotionally like to go through this.

Anyways, onto the better half of my story..the happier half! Like I said, the month it happened was my low of lows and I was ready to throw in the towel for a little while. I can remember the night crying to God and to Chris about it more than I had ever cried and just wondering why I felt so broken. Chris and I also had become especially close this particular month as it was hitting us both hard...or even harder I should say. Well, after a month of injections, 3 ultrasounds, 4 rounds of blood work, and artificial insemination I got the call. No it was not the call I was hoping for. It was a call saying my progesterone was low. And when I say low, I mean lower than when I did Clomid which is much weaker than injections. And so low that the nurse had regret and sadness in her voice when she told me. She told me that I did not have a strong ovulation and to not get my hopes up. Instantly I got off the phone and called Chris crying. I felt even more broken and thought we were now down to 2 months, down lots more money and just plain down. This was my low. Well, the big "testing" day came (one I dreaded and one Chris had to convince me to take) and the night before we went to dinner with our wonderful neighbors. My neighbor (who was beyond supportive) kept telling me to not lose hope and that miracles do happen. That night we lost power all night from a big storm so I thought in the morning we would not have power and I would not want to test in the dark..and well, I was just looking for any excuse not to test because I did not want to start off my Friday in the dumps. Thank you to Chris, he was not letting me out of it! Well, you can not stop time. I of course did not sleep. So I drug myself to the bathroom and well you know how that all works. That morning at 6:00 am on Friday, September 17th two little pink lines popped right up! I instantly rubbed my eyes thinking I was still asleep and started shaking. I of course ran and jumped on top of Chris who was still in bed asleep and screamed "Look, it is positive, Its positive, OMG we are going to have a baby". He rubbed his eyes with a look of disbelief (and I do not think he could see as I had the test right in his eyes) and said "what?!" and I of course started crying and quit shoving the test in his face so he could sit up and look for himself. And he instantly got the biggest grin on his face and said "holy shit it worked!". I cried, he had tears in his eyes and we both laid there holding each other (staring at the test) and giggling for at least a half hour. We both kept saying "I can't believe it, I can't believe it worked". I kept mentioning the fact I could not believe all the crap we went through was over. I get teary eyed talking about it now. Dreams of Baby B instantly filled our conversations and the "we are going to be a mom and dad" talks started!

Now, because of my low progesterone I was at a higher risk of miscarrying. So my doctor had me come in first thing that morning and give blood to confirm it. He also started me immediately on progesterone..not fun, but worth every hour it took up of my day! That Saturday we of course had plans to tailgate with friends so I started my "vodka tonic" aka sprite drinking. It was so hard to hide from friends..but it was like our fun little secret all weekend! It will be a weekend I will never forget.

The first 14 weeks were not fun for me. Take away always feeling sick and tired and it still was not fun. I. WAS. A. NERVOUS. MESS. I had 5 large cysts and many tiny ones from treatments that caused lots of pain and my ovaries were inflamed and so was my uterus so I was very bloated and it also caused a lot of pain which resulted in me worrying. Every ache and twinge scared me so much. I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, and then 10 weeks as well. I was so nervous before each of those I literally made myself sick to my stomach. Chris had to hold my hand the entire time I was shaking so bad. And at one of them, my blood pressure was so high they made me lay down for 5 minutes in fear I could have fainted or had a stroke it was so high. But as soon as I heard that heartbeat each time I cried and instantly was at ease. I guess I just had the biggest fear of losing something I not only loved so much already, but I was terrified of losing something that was so hard to get. I knew the pain of getting there, I do not think I could bear the pain of losing it too. But thank you to the prayers (and progesterone) Baby B stuck!

So yes, to us this is our miracle baby. And I one day look forward to the day we can share the journey with him/her because we loved him/her and dreamt of him/her before he/she was even in the world. (Yes, I am getting tired of saying him/her and he/she so you must be tired of reading it too!). I love this baby more than words can even describe and I can not wait to have our miracle in our arms. This pregnancy and baby mean so much to us. That morning we found out (other than our wedding day, or close to it) was the happiest day of my life and I can not imagine the day Baby B is born. Plenty of tears to come! I can not thank family, friends and faith for getting us through this enough. But most of all I can not thank my husband enough. He has no idea how much support he provided me. If I did not have him there holding my hand the entire way and just being there I do not think I could have made it through it like I did. We are now stronger and closer and I can only hope that carries over to our family unit.

So there you have it. The journey to our little miracle. Minus some details and some l-o-n-g days and nights. But looking back at it, I would do it all over again. I would not change a thing because I now have a whole new appreciation and feeling of gratitude for what the good Lord has blessed us with. I also have a new understanding and feeling of empathy for any woman going through this. Many women go through worse and through it for longer. No matter age or wait time, it is not easy.

But it is all worth it. I am so happy and in love with this little miracle and can not wait for May to get here!