Seriously?!

The title of this post fits my thoughts lately perfectly. Lets just say it has been a long week. My week started off sick (well that started last weekend). And it has just gotten worse. We have had all sorts of germs flying around our building and I thought I had avoided it but I guess I spoke too soon! It has been one of those nasty colds that starts in your throat and head and just makes your entire body ache then it moves into your chest making you cough up crap and just makes you plain miserable. I even broke down crying one night I felt so sick. Luckily Chris was with me at my Dr. appointment Wednesday and told my Dr. and he prescribed me a Z pack. I do not feel better yet but I am hoping a weekend of rest will help. And if that was not enough to kick a girl down (a 6 month pregnant girl) then the end of my week was the icing on the cake. A cake I actually do not want any more of!
My Dr. appointment went well...for the baby. Which in all reality is all I care about, the rest is just a pain. Baby B's heart rate was up to 160! I am telling you, this kid does not want us to predict its gender at all! But after that highlight came the downfall. I have high blood pressure, yuck! I have been having a lot of heart palpitations lately and my blood pressure proved it. So they had me lay down for a while to retake it, which did not work. So yesterday I had to have it taken 3 times at work and it was all high. The good news is the more important number (the bottom number) was down in the normal range. It is just that darn top number. But lets be serious here..it is not like I work in a stress free environment. I chase 7 yr olds around all day! But of course when I hear that I have to go back Friday (today) to talk to the Dr. I freak out. He wants to make sure its is not pre-eclampsia and so I automatically think, oh my gosh I am hurting our baby, I am a terrible mom. And I just keep thinking all I want is a healthy baby and if something were to be wrong with this baby I would automatically blame myself and never ever be able to forgive myself. And the thoughts of dreaded bed rest instantly fill my head. So here is to hoping for a good visit this morning. My mom also had a lot of problems (racing heart and gestational diabetes just two of them..and not even two of her biggest problems) so I also worry about going down that path.
So all in all yesterday I was upset after seeing that my bp was not dropping. Well just to throw one more thing in there I got a call that I failed my gestational diabetes test. Now, my had it with all 3 pregnancies and I have higher blood sugar levels so I guess I should not have been that surprised. However, with everything else going on it was just one more thing that all ended up giving me a mental break down. I just had this extreme guilt that I was messing up this pregnancy and failing my baby already and the feelings of I am a terrible mom and what could I have done differently. I know it is not my fault and I am not in control of these things, but I just feel guilt.
So anyways, here is to hoping for a good visit today. And a better weekend. On a positive note, 1 week from today I will be flying home to be with my family (perfect timing!), our nursery furniture gets delivered today, my dad may be visiting tonight and it is Friday!
Looking at the glass half full my friends!